Just Keep Compartmentalizing, That's All I'm Thinkin'

There was something about flipping the calendar today; it's August. The 12th of the month is my last day at my paper. I have seven more work days left. At 5:01 on Tuesday August 12, I will no longer be an employee of the Palm Beach Post.

I'd be lying if I said I don't feel panic coming on. Not to mention strong fear of the impending goodbyes.

It's so strange photographing people in this frame of mind. I can't tell them to contact me if they don't manage to get a copy of the paper their story will be in because I will not be contactable by the time their story runs.
Hanging out with a few of the guys after work today, BI started talking about how sad it was that his friends were leaving and the family was being broken up. I found that interesting because no one had used those words and I think people think them. That we are a family. A large dysfunctional one, but a family just the same. He was pissed off about the latest email from "the man" also, which said that no gear of any kind will be sold. We must hand back everything.

I'm really upset about this too and I was relieved to hear how absurd BI thought it was. I wondered if maybe I was being selfish, but really, the company is just doing nothing to help us out, and it will be no better when lay offs continue later in the summer.

We know you're losing your job and it would be helpful for you to get a good deal on some quality laptops, cameras, etc., but we just don't feel like throwing you a bone (even though there will be no employees to even use the damn stuff). Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out! Buh-bye now!

I am stressed, as many are, about my finances. We talked about camera gear and what to do about it; buy a slightly lower end one then a better one later? Buy an OK camera but get really good glass (lenses) for it? Spend a crap-load on good stuff and get two jobs to pay for them? It's just a mess.

I wonder to myself if I should even buy myself gear. Maybe my next job, even though I have no fucking clue what it will be, won't even involve shooting at all. It's such a fleeting thought, the idea of not having any camera gear. I love what I do and I can't fathom not having a good camera near me when I need one. Or when I don't need one.

I'm good at it. I need to keep being good at it.