Nightmareweaver is More Like It

This is the first day I have felt defeated since I arrived in MA.

I slept poorly last night thanks to severe allergy issues. Today, I am in a Claritin fog with pain behind my eyes and a drippy brick for a nose. After a hot shower which did little for my head, I started my day by watching some of the Dreamweaver instructional lesson I've been watching online. The lessons are in brief segments, but I spent hours watching the lesson last week and am no closer to actually being able to at least layout a page.

I stormed away from my computer, feeling completely defeated and despite my big brothers best efforts this afternoon, helping me via iChat, I still don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

I'm quite confident that it is the way I am attempting to learn. I am not an instruction manual type of learner. Words don't do it for me. You can imagine how super fun high school and college were for me. I need a human to go over it with me. I'm trying to think of how I can bribe my brother into some quality education time with his un-nerved sister.

I take solace in knowing that when I got a crash course in Final Cut Pro last week (from a human), that made perfect sense to me. So, I don't feel totally stupid. Still, it's hard in moments like these to not think, Is that it? Can I really only push a button on a camera?

I've been getting regular reports about the status of my previous work place. Many are annoyed that a person who is leaving now did not think to do so a month ago, just before boy outs were needed. Those who remain there feel it could have saved a job. Better news is that one of those who lost his job to the buy-out now has a new one! I am disappointed only because his and his wife's back-up plan was to move to New England. Now, they are headed to the mid-west.

It is getting chillier here, too. I wouldn't mind this if I felt better. But, I don't. However, I am still enjoying the idea that I will be here when the leaves begin to fall, when I can see pumpkins on porches and notice that they don't rot after two days outside, when the air smells of snow, and when we go to an actually Christmas tree farm to cut down the tree.