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I know this is OK to post because, A) Out of guilt, I probably won't
keep it posted , and B) I know you will never read it.

"Friend" is an interesting word. It's part of the word "friendly". But
also "unfriendly".

Which you are.

In reality that word does not begin to tell it.  Manipulative,
hurtful, evasive. Cruel.  Those are slightly more accurate.  And you
are a bit proud of all of these, it seems.  The one of which you seem
most proud? Indifference. I have never known someone who could be so
subtly unkind, and then unconcerned.

Unfortunately, you are also fun, funny, intelligent, talented and
charismatic. When it suits you.  Which makes you magnetic and a
nightmare at the same time.

We both speak the same language, you and I, but have always struggled
to understand one another. Still, you could try and speak a bit of
human once in a while.

Over time, you have hurt me enough for a week's worth of apologies. I
will not hold my breath. Besides, we both know I would gladly accept
one that takes even seven seconds if you mean it truly. That is my
weakness.  We all have them, as we all know.  Mine, apparently, is
occasionally returning to the abnormally large chameleon because he
used to play nice on the playground and now intermittently kicks me.
Hard. And I dare say with some mild satisfaction.

That, I accept, is my fault.
What I don't accept as my fault is the pit our friendship fell into
when you dragged it down with you despite my best efforts to step
around it. Now, I think we may have ended-up in this shit pit
regardless.

I will always have some bit of hope for our friendship because despite
my better judgment, it still matters to me. You still matter to me.  I
am not sorry that I met you or that I know you, but I would be sorry
(and foolish) if I befriended another you.

It was a while ago, but I do remember your humor, your loyalty, your
random acts of kindness. For now I will try to acclimate to the fact
that I am not privy to that part of you and hope that it's just for
now. And hope that it's just me.