Regret

I don't live with much regret in the bigger picture of my life. I generally feel that the path I have taken thus far is the path I was meant to be on.

I think through most of my desicions, and I'm simply not very regretful once the decisions are made. I might feel verysad about an outcome, but not regretful.

This monring, I woke up realizing what it feels like to have regret. To do something, or in this case, not do something, and then realize it might be too late.

Many peple, when they learn I've photographed births as they happen, shrivvle and say "why would anyone want photos of that?!"  I tell them that if the images are taken you ahve them. If you never want to look at them again, so be it, but if you do they are there.

I turn 38 in a few short weeks. 38. The number is mind-boggling to me. I stood in my shower this monring, with my regret; not having my eggs frozen. It had occured to me to do this when I was maybe 30 or so. It crossed my mind.

Cost I'm sure was an issue. It can cost as much at 15 grand for the proceedure. And of course there's no guarantee it could work for you later in life when you want to actually use them. It never crossed my mind that I wouldn't be down the path to parenthood by now. So 33 came and I thought the same thing, "well, I have time and I bound to meet my person before it's too late". Then 35, then 36. Gone. And then a few more years.

But then I didn't meet him and here's the thing; Had I had my eggs collected and frozen when I was younger, if I never had to use them, so be it, but at least they would be there for me if I wanted to use them.

I would have at least had the choice.

So this is what regret feels like.