Memorial Day Weekend

I drove Mom on Friday night to Scott's End, and then Saturday morning, I headed to Great Barrington for some time with the Badens.

a quick visit down to the beach before leaving from the cape to the Berkshires.

Harlow's happy Cape face! I think it's the first "smile" I've ever captured (in truth she's just breathing heavily)

It was hot all weekend, but I still had a great time - with the kids during the day with their sweet hugs and wacky observations and comments, and good times with Meg in the evenings too. And ice cream which is always a bonus.

Highlights included getting four kids aged 3.5 to 8 to work with concrete so I could have their art in my garden, watching Meg finish a 10K (so impressive!), and seeing Stella, 8, ride a unicycle (I can't believe I didn't get a picture, but these days I try to live rather than document all the time).

Some snippets from the weekend-

Sylvia comes into my room at the crack of dawn, "Auntie Honey?"
"Good morning, Sylvia, yes?"
"Good morning. My shirt matches your blanket."
"That's true. I see that. It's a very nice color!"
"I can stand on one leg"
"..."

Admiring Miles' positive attitude about everything, Meg told her son, "Miles, if I were more like you I'd be so happy"
Miles responded with "And you'd be five-and-a-half!"

Lots of knock knock jokes starting with "cracker" and ending with "cracker". Oh, so funny!

While watching The Hunchback of NorteDame by Disney, (Meg later decided that Disney is no longer invited in their home, and with good reason (so much meanness!), Vivan turned to her and said "You're nicer than him!" as she pointed at the screen at the ranting, raving, lunatic of a villain.
Thanks, kid.

Sylvia said to her Mom at the dinner table "Mama! When Auntie Honey's here, it's like I have two mamas! And when Auntie Honey leaves, I'll have one mama!" she was psyched about both scenarios.

"Auntie Honey?"
"Yes, Sylvia?"
"I really love candy, but I love you more."

Meg, as always, displayed impressive mothering skills. Behold, her favorite "game" called "Let's Review The Rules!"  It's a go-to if someone seems to be having a hard time remembering their manners...

Mama's Favorite game - Let's Review The Rules! from C.M. Scott on Vimeo.

Stella

With Miles and Stella

Meg finishes strong!

Vivian and her Strawberry

Vivian, Sylvia and Miles work on their (cute) angry mugs..

Angry Face Demo from C.M. Scott on Vimeo.

Family Stories

I decided after my 40th birthday project that I wanted to keep recording stories.

During our visit to DC for Mom and Dad's 50th anniversary, I recorded them talking about their wedding day.

I also recorded them talking about Vietnam. I finally got around to editing that audio.

Memorial Day seems an appropriate day to share it.

Effing Prescriptions

Our Rx mail order company recently changed at work. My glucometer uses Contour test strips which, for whatever reason, always required a Prior Authorization (PA) in order for them to be filled by the previous mail order company. When it came time to get new strips, the new mail order company wouldn't fill them. After much back and forth, declining the Rx, then declining the PA request, etc, I called and found out they don't cover the test strips. At all? At all. Not even with a PA? Not even with a PA. 

They told me to go to such-and-such website to order, for free, a new glucometer so I could start using OneTouch test strips because they are covered under my new mail order system. Fine, I did that and reported back to my doctor and asked if they could kindly put in an order for OneTouch Ultra test strips to go with my new glucometer?

They said sure.

Today I went to my shitty new mail order website to fill a different Rx when what did I see was available to me now in my list of Rxes? CONTOUR NEXT TEST STRIPS! Right there in my list of Rx which I could reorder.
Oh, you mean the strips that weren't covered by my insurance or by the mail order company? Yes! THE STRIPS WHICH WERE ALLEGEDLY NOT COVERED BY INSURANCE AND AS SUCH I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO ORDER!

So now I have a new glucometer coming to me, and now I'm quite sure that the mail order company will reject my doctor's new Rx request for the OneTouch Ultra test strips because, well, you HAVE four refills available to you of the former test strips.

Good. Fucking. Grief.

Beetlebung Farm

I left the chaos of Commencement and went right into a work trip. The video team was asked to make a video about Chris Fischer, a chef and farmer who would be coming to BU from Martha's Vineyard to teach a few classes.

So, off we went. Here are some shots. Some from my phone, some from the shoot itself which are not public yet.

BU students Sonia and Valencia enjoy the ferry ride to Vineyard Haven. The students came along to learn about the farm and cook with Chris. 

my awesome bed at the AirBnB

AirBnB

AirBnB

AirBnB

touring the farm 

breakfast on our first morning. 7A Foods had amazing coffee and breakfast sandwiches.

Jackie works on the farm

asparagus!

piggies!

feeding the pigs. They loves dried seaweed, shells and bones. They play with them and along with their poop, those things made the soil healthy

picking grass to feed the rabbits

Chris Fischer is a 12th generation on the farm

Sonia with one of many rabbits, some of who would get loose on the farm and wander. Strange to see the island rabbits and then big fat domesticated ones.

Checking to see if this rabbit is pregnant by pushing on her belly and feeling for "marbles". Yup! Knocked up bunny!

at Larson's fish market

Collecting seaweed for the pigs. 

Getting dinner ready. Guinnea Hen, stinging nettle, watercress, sausage

cool outdoor kitchen set-up

the video crew collects audio with Valencia and Sonia the next day by having them talk through their experience

Commencing

I keep thinking it's Monday, which is fantastic because it's actually friday and every time I remember that, I'm excited. It's like when you put on a jacket you haven't worn in a while, reach into the pocket and find $20 you don't remember leaving there.

Last weekend was BU's commencement. I came through it perfectly fine, although a few hours into the VIP event at the president's house which follows the commencement itself I began to really feel it. Pain in my back and whatnot. Jackie had it too so I don't feel so old.

This blog post initially including lots of blathering on about things on my mind, but I decided to just stick to a few photos instead.

Saturday night's dinner at the President's house.

My favorite shot from Commencement on sunday. A toast with bottled water. 

Just Don't "Google" Anything

I have a stye this week and it's extremely uncomfortable. Paranoid that it's pink eye (even though the doctor told me it's not and I don't show symptoms of it), I had to do my own "research". I texted Mike about it.

Me - ‪#‎dontGoogleStye‬ ‪#‎DontGoogleInfectedEyeDuct‬

Mike - ‪#‎googlecarefully‬, ‪#‎withgreatpowercomesgreatresponsibility‬, #‎NEVERgooglemedicalstuff‬, ‪

          #‎whatisseencanneverbeunseen‬

Me - ‪#‎IDontLearn‬

And Now We Are Three!

Eric Logan 1977-2016

He has this "brother" from Wakefield who sent me a text this morning via FB. He asked me to call him or text him. That it was about Eric. I didn't want to give my cell number to Dana, so I just messaged back via FB. "What's up?"

"He's dead"

I told him how sorry I was for his loss, etc. And he said "I know he always loved you the most so I jus felt obligated to let you know ;( sorry to b the bearer" I don't know how to feel about that.

Eric wrote a private blog which he gave me access to. I forgot it existed many years ago, and about a year ago I came across the bookmark for it, and was shocked to find he'd continued writing all along. My name came up. Always positively. But his life was shit. He made it shit. He was doing a lot of drugs, wandering around the country. The blog doesn't exist anymore.

Who knows what happened to him, but in the end it doesn't matter. Dead is dead. Is it awful to say that I'm just glad to be emotionally separated from it at this point?

I am still at a loss for how I got involved with Eric. I had just moved back from FL to MA when he messaged me on FB around 2010. That's how we reconnected. Me and this kid I knew in junior high school. I remember him telling me after we dated that even in junior high he had a crush on me.  "I didn't know what to do with girls" he had said, "So I just asked you if you wanted to ride bikes".  After I started dating him, I wondered about that time in junior high school. What if he spent more time in my home? My healthy, functional, non-abusive home. Would he have turned out differently? It didn't matter, because that didn't happen, and he was very broken.

What followed was a little over a year of near-torture. I still cannot explain fully why I stayed with him, on and off, for that time. He could always talk me into coming back to him until somehow, hitting a year of dealing with his shit was what I needed to walk away for good. To see no change would happen. He was a damaged person. Very damaged. And he damaged me enough.

While he never laid a hand on me, I sometimes I wished he would because I thought that would be what would keep me away. But, he never did (and I didn't really want that). In fact, he didn't really even raise his voice to me that I recall. He was, however, manipulative like no one I've ever known. And emotionally abusive. Specifically when we were on breaks. He was constantly creating drama because that's what was normal for him. I didn't love this drama, but somehow, at that time, I coudln't disengage from it effectively either. His skills of manipulation were beyond my coping abilities.

He managed to ruin my birthday by sending some kind of nasty email to me on April 2nd of that year of on and off dating. He somehow ruined every holiday. He failed to show up for countless plans. He wrote abusive things in his blog knowing I'd read it. He often disappeared to binge drink for days at a time. When we split up, he wrote nasty things about me on FB. His jealousy was exhausting. I lived in a constant state of anxiety, walking on eggshells at all times.

I still have the scars. I am now finally, after about nine months, at a point where I don't feel panic if Mike is a few minutes late to meet me somewhere.

He is not Eric. Eric damaged me. Mike heals me.

For the year after it ended, Eric still tried to get to me in his little ways. He would change his phone number and call me using the new one. 'Leave voicemails about how he would "always find me" and that no one would love me like he did. I knew full-well he had no intention of "finding me".  He wasn't actually confrontational, oddly. He ran away from things.

The last voicemail I got from him was a few years ago. He was nervous. I don't remember much about what he said, except "The sun is shining and it made me think of you, so I thought I'd call and say hello". He sounded on the verge of tears, he worried so much that I hated him. He didn't get it.  I didn't hate him, he was just poison to me. I did not call him back. I knew, even years out, that he had a way - you crack that door a bit, and he'll kick it wide open.

He was smart, he was funny. We had our moments although, I'm sad to admit, I remember very few right now. He was so damaged. It's such a waste. After him, I stopped answering my phone unless I knew who was calling, just in case it was him. It's become habit. And I've only just realized as I type this that I don't need to do that anymore. Screen my calls.  It will never be Eric again.

heading to the eighth grade dance

Cartagena, 2010