Water

I feel like I am walking through water. The only pleasure (albeit a guilty one) I get these days is crawling into bed and watching the show Grey's Anatomy 12 inches from my face on my laptop in the dark. There is something about completely escaping into the fictitious lives of others in order to ignore your own that's really quite satisfying. Not that I am ignoring my life - it's not like I can watch Grey's 24/7 (a girl's gotta work).

I have been feeling very mediocre.  I am grateful for my job which keeps me busy and doing different things and interacting with different people every day. If it wasn't for my job I wouldn't talk to anyone. I make plans with my local friends and talk with faraway friends regularly, but I find that even doing that requires energy that I can't seem to muster. Last night I met Jenny for sushi and was the lamest of lame company.

The sushi was awesome though and so is Jenny.

Walking to an assignment today, I passed a woman in a wheelchair being assisted by another woman who presumable drives the assistance van which was parked nearby. I walked through my water past her, her fingers covered in precious gem-covered rings, her hands crumpled to a point of being useless. There was a tube near her face which I'm guessing is used so she can move her wheel chair.

My point is, I passed by this woman, took a moment to think how grateful I am to be able-bodied, and then went back into feeling like I was walking through water.

I am reminded of what my Mom sometimes says, "This too shall pass". It's hard to believe her though, since I feel like my whole life has lived in water. Not that I am not eternally grateful for the life I stumbled into. I am very grateful. I just seem incapable of showing my gratitude and grateful doesn't mean content anyway. I guess you can be grateful you landed where you did in the world, if you landed somewhere you like, and then the rest, the contentedness and whatnot, is up to you. But what do you do when you don't have the energy to figure out the contentedness?

Maybe I'm coming down with something.