She shows her joy in this by being busy busy busy! Running outside and then in again, grabbing a toy and shredding it up (how is there possibly any stuffing left in that mouse?!), grabbing the sock with the tennis ball in it and whipping it back and forth, hitting herself in the head with the tennis ball in the process. I think a lot fo her energy also comes form the fact that I now have an AC on the first floor. While I worry about the cost of my electric bill, I'm happy to have it. She has more energy, which has it's disadvantages, but for sure we are both more comfortable!
The other night I was driving home and as I parked the car, Billy Joel's She's Got A Way was on the radio. I sang the song to myself (because, you know, I've got a way) and as I walked into the door, Harlow joined in from her crate with a "wooooooWOOOO!".
It was pretty awesome.
Last weekend Harlow and I went to the SoWa Market, which I hoped would be an opportunity to meet someone in real life. I forgot that it's mostly cute couples and gay men, but no matter. Harlow was a great conversational piece and all the little kids beaming at the site of her and exclaiming "doggie!" made it worth the visit. It's so nice to have a pup I can trust around kids. Not that Oliver wasn't great. He was the best. Just not with kids. Or UPS guys.
I know I've mentioned in past entries how the whole don't-bother-freezing-your-eggs situation has effected me. For the most part, it's not on my radar, then suddenly it is, and I'm just feeling sad.
It's left me feeling like less of a person. Definitely less desirable. This is hard, because I haven't been told I can't have kids AT ALL. And yet, it's left me feeling that way, and all the more hopeless for the future I hoped for myself. This ties into my dating life and has left me with no interest in trying anymore. I don't quite feel like "who would want me now", but in a way I do feel that. And I wonder.
I've gone through phases of giving up on finding my person in the past but they don't last more than a few weeks. It's been about six weeks now and I still have no desire to put myself out there. Someone will message me on a the dating site and I'll go to their profile and start reading-
"Hi! Thanks for visiting my profile! I like monkeys and I make lots of money and..."
Nope, no interest in attempting to read anymore. Even with your appreciation for monkeys, which I also have.
I've just completely shut off. How do I open myself to finding my person if I basically feel done and hopeless about it? I'm lonely and I want to find that person, but in my years and years of dating and relationships and looking, I haven't figured it out, so perhaps I'm just not going to.My brother is happily married and my parents have been together for 48 years. I wonder what went wrong for me.
There's a lot going around on social media these days about the pressure society puts on women and girls to look a certain way and be a certain way. I am comfortable in my skin. I like who I am, but I have lost faith that I will find someone else who will love who I am, as I am.
This Colby Caillat video is great, but I will always feel as though I have to try. Furthermore, I always feel that I try in vain. Every time.
http://youtu.be/GXoZLPSw8U8?list=RDGXoZLPSw8U8
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