Tired

I am exhausted tonight. Why I am blogging I have no idea. I worked really hard today. Really hard all week actually. At work we are collecting images of various neighborhoods in and around the city that are worth visiting. My place has been Jamaica Plain and it's been really fun exploring it and seeing places I've never seen. There's a lot of great restaurants there it would seem. At least they seem to have a cool atmosphere. Or they would. If I was there when they were actually open. (If JP didn't seem like such a bitch to get to I would consider moving there).

I do wish I had more time on these assignments. A few hours to shoot twenty different locations hardly makes it possible to really explore. But I am grateful for these full, busy days because I get to the end of them and feel I've done something, even when I am stuck in traffic for an hour and my car's air conditioning is broken. My body is tired from the lugging and the heat and my neck is killing me from the driving and the computer work, and I am disappointed to not find my new home yet (today my offer was turned down), but I am grateful to be busy and doing something I enjoy doing.

The other thing on my mind is my cousin and her cancer. It is not going away despite various efforts. I've never really had to think about cancer before. I have been fortunate that way. It befuddles me though; how can something deadly come from nothing? I understand a germ. I get that. My pancreas, for example, no longer works because my body thought it was fighting infection and instead attacked my pancreas. I get nature getting confused. I get the concept of coming down with something because your body took it in from the outside (and I guess in some cases that can be the cause of cancer). But something from nothing? And the something is so unspeakably nasty?  I cannot wrap my brain around it any more than I can wrap my brain around the idea of my life without Susan in it.

So I don't try to.