Healing

I went to see my doctor on Monday. A two week check-up after my surgery. I'm kind of sorry I asked for a copy of the xray (see June Masthead), as I am now all to aware of the metal in my shoulder, accompanied by the massive screws.You'll see that the plate bends at the end, on the right. The bone on the tip was too small to attach normally to the plate, so the surgeon had to wrap the tip with the metal and then run that massive screw back through the small piece of bone.

When I saw my physical therapist today and we chatted before he started torturing me in an effort to help get rid of my frozen shoulder, we talked about the massive screws. How do they get those big screws into the little bone. They make a hole with a drill first. Yikes. Again, 'not sure I needed to know.

So, my PT was very unpleasant today as I spent much of it on my back with Andy, my PT, gently bending my arm back to create an excruciating pain like no other. I almost cried, I kid you not.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"No, it hurts." I answered.

"On a scale on one to ten, what is it? A fifteen?"

Well, at least he knows the pain I'm experiencing.

The interesting thing is that once I got home and the soreness of the session subsided, I felt a lot better than I have in weeks. My shoulder gave me the least amount of trouble today.

Last night, I watched the documentary called, "Young @ Heart" about a Massachusetts choir of older folks who sing rock songs. Pretty rad actually, but as you might guess, with older people, sad things come. Like dying. I was in need of a good cry I guess 'cause once I got going there was no stopping, it seemed. And the rendition of Coldplay's "Fix You" was no help.

That's the other thing. My mood. I'm finding myself wanting to be more reclusive and that makes me nervous. I took a nap this afternoon and when I woke I was so groggy, I didn't want to go anywhere. I mean, not that I could, the doctor told me I cannot drive for another month. I forced myself to walk into town to run and errand.

Although I have booked another wedding to cover in September and someone has come forward with interest in me photographing the birth of their son in the fall, I am feeling like time is simultaneously passing me by and not moving at all.

I will be grateful when this not being able to move and being uncomfortable at all time business is in the past.

Adhesive Capsil-what?

Today was an eventful day. I left the house. And put on a bra. This is eventful. For me. Right now. These days. My shoulder continues to be painful, but then I did just have surgery ten days ago. I'm trying to be patient, but really, I'm just not.
I told my Dad the other day that I'm kind-of over it all and losing patience. He pointed out that it had only been, like, four days.
Well four days is a lifetime if you're a bee. Or is it a fly?

I went to my first physical therapy session today. That's why there was cause the wear the convertible bra which allows me to attach a strap on my right side and sling it back across my back to the back of my left side so that I have no contact with my effed-up shoulder and the gnarly stiches. By the way? I reached up the other night and touched my left shoulder, the one with the metal in it, and about barfed when I realized I was feeling metal through my skin. It was hard not to feel woozy. That and the fact that I couldn't get the reality TV show scene out of my head where the contestants were challenged to eat raw bull testicle. Seriously. It's a whole new dieting technique.

The most unfortunate though simultaneously informative news came from my PT, Andy, when he informed me that the lack range of motion in my shoulder, (when I hold my elbow against my hip, bend my elbow to 90 degrees and try to bring my hand out to the side, away from my body, turning from the elbow, it's excruciating) is not related to the surgery at all. That I in fact have Adhesive Capsulitis.

So, you can imagine my excitement to learn that this incredibly uncomfortable condition may take up to a year to get rid of.

I am stoked!

Spirit fingerrrrrrrs!

Surgery

So, I had surgery on my shoulder a week and a half ago. I have not blogged about it because I have been grumpy and not feeling up to typing. So, I'll write a bit now.

First of all, it was god-awful early in the morning. We left the house at 5:30. My particular surgery had to be very early in the morning because of my diabetes. The experience was very strange. They took me away on a gurney in my robe, and I swear I was brought to the bowels of the building. To a hallway with multiple ORs down it.

I had to pee and told the nurse aneshetist so. She got me a bed pan which was new for me. But she was pretty hilarious about it. Once I was done, she was all, "OK, I don't know what to do with it from here." She told me the story about how once when she was with another nurse and they removed the catheter of a man who was still under, he began to pee all over them, spraying this way and that like a yard sprinkler toy. "It was hilarious!" she told me.

As they wheeled me into the OR, I started to feel weird, "doooooooode" I said the the nurse, slowly, "Did you give me somethinnnnng?"
"Dooooode, Yeaaaaaaah." she answered back.

When I awoke, I was in a huge room with a zillion other patients just out of recovering. And I felt like complete hell. Once brought to my room, it was a bit frustrating because it appeared I would sort-of stop breathing, or my breathing would get very shallow, if I started to fall asleep. Quite annoying if all you want to do is nap! I guess it happens after anesthesia.

The break was at the end of my collar bone, by my shoulder, and the doctor was going in to attach a metal plate to bring together what wouldn't come together on it's own. Unfortunately, there was so little bone at the tip of my shoulder that he couldn't attach to it with screws. So, I guess he wrapped the metal around the tip of the bone? He tells me I will likely want to have that removed in a year or so. And I thought I was done. One good thing is that he didn't need to graft at all from my hip which us great. One bad thing is he had a Dr. McSteamy intern check on me, and I'm all drooling on myself. Not because if him, but because of the drugs. Although he was so good looking I could have been drooling over him.

I stayed overnight at the hospital which is good. I was in a lot of pain and very queasy from the surgery. They also wanted to keep an eye on my sugars. They were fine.

I was grateful to get home and now I'm just loafing around the house, being a bad patient, annoyed and bored and uncomfortable. We did go to the cape last week end which was of course very nice, but I did have a strange new thing start, severe pain in my shoulder blade if I ride in a care for more than a half hour. Wazzup with that?

Progress?

I am spent. I am exhausted. I am using two words to say the same thing. My eyes have mild pain behind them after so much staring at my computer.

I woke this morning at 2:30. WTF? 2:30? Wide awake, wondering, suddenly, why I have not gotten a call from my old high school about any substitute teaching. Then I remember that I was given paperwork to bring back with me on the day of my first sub job. It occurs to me that perhaps I was misinformed. Maybe I have to bring that paperwork back, completed, in order to get on the sub list?

Now I am up and out of bed, looking for the paperwork.

Next thing I know, I am at my computer, contacting a local school who's adult education curriculum did not include photography. Did they want me to teach it? I ask in my proposal to them.

I manage to fall asleep after about an hour and a half of wandering the computer and tossing in my bed, which really consists of me laying on my stomach, then switching to my right side because I'm still to much of a wimp to attempt to sleep on my left side, even though the doctor told my my shoulder should be OK with it.

I wake later in the morning with a few emails. The school that is lacking in adult ed photography has emailed me back to tell me they already have photo teachers. Then why are you not teaching photo? I have a rate request from a possible wedding client, a very inarticulate email from a guy looking for a 'cheap photographer' to do some pictures for some health organization. I ask him to elaborate. What is it he's looking for? Do you have a website? He does, he emails me, and send me the link to a site which has something to do with discount cards and has no mention of health care workers at all. I decide to just end the annoying game of email tennis and send him my rates. I am relieved when I stop hearing from him.

Then I went for a walk in the freezing rain because I just need to do that. Period.

I returned, soggy, with an idea on how to tweak my future photo classes, and I sent an email out to my first photo class, my guinea pigs, to get their thoughts on my idea. They were very receptive.

Then, I got an email from a guy looking for a photo lesson. I am meeting him tomorrow.

I was doing some work for Dad, organizing his office by labelling some manuals and files when Dad and I got to talking about selling prints. "Can you link on your website to a place where people can buy prints?" Great, Now, I had a bee in my bonnet about that and spend a crazy amount of time figuring out how I would do that if I wanted to do it. I haven't figured it out yet.

I do have to say that I feel like there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I feel a spark of "Maybe I can make a living doing this!" And then I do the math and realize there's no way. What I need to do is find some kind of part-time job. But, I'm afraid. I don't want to do some receptionist job because Excel scares me. It just does. I don't want to go work at some ice cream shop because I'll just shove my face in the tubs when no one's looking. Very unprofessional. Other jobs I think of are unimaginable to me because my shoulder still isn't ship-shape. Now there was something I wasn't expecting - that this shoulder thing would screw things up as much as they have. Hello, I'm a nuisance. Have we met?

At least I'm 33 on Thursday. Yeehaw.

Babies and Bats

So, Dad's been hinting, or rather, telling me, that he's bored of rereading the entry below this one. It's true, I have been truant from my blog. I apologize. It goes back to the whole got-nothin'-to-say issue.

Today was a busy day. I drove a half hour to The Newton Jewish Community Center to post a small card promoting my photography services there. I'm crossing my fingers that I may get some Bar/Bat Mitzvah clients. I also drove to a Prenatal Yoga Class another half hour away in hopes of them taking my informational postcards and posting them there. Not for Bat/Bar Mitzvahs, but for births. I have to admit, I showed to that a bit unprepared. I have never been a very good self-promoter. Usually, when I show-up somewhere to promote my work, the person I'm talking to just says, "Cool, I'll put your postcard on the wall!" and that's that. But, this time, the instructor asked me, "Well, How do you do it?"

I was a bit stumped by the question, but decided what she was asking would be answered with, "Well, I show up, shoot with available light and stay out of the way."
What do I charge? Well how does it work (when hospitals are involved)? She went on.

I was a bit thrown. After playing email tag with a potential wedding client (woot!) and setting-up my rates for the Bat/Bar Mitzvahs, I couldn't for the life of me remember how I charge for the birth coverage. I assured her that I would go straight home and email her my (very detailed) rate sheet for that service. I went on to tell her that the easiest clients are those giving birth at home, but should someone giving birth elsewhere be interested in having me take pictures, I would have them inquire about a photographer (because most hospitals don't allow them).

She then told me she takes pictures all the time at births because she's a doula, "Why don't you be a doula?" she asked me.
To my horror, I answered without thinking, very flatly, very matter-of-factly, "Because I'm a photographer". She told me she thought I would just be killing two birds with one stone (by being both). I guess. If I was into killing birds.

Healing

Although it's uncomfortable to do so for long, I am now typing with both hands! This is progress! The bruise on my shoulder is a lovely shade of yellow now, but the pain in my shoulder lessens each day. Mom claims that having a pee-hued bruise so soon means I'm healing fast. I have to agree with her - it's been days since I've heard or felt the bone itself wiggling around in there. Just call me Wolverine. Or the cheerleader. Either one.

Sitting around all day has been a bit boring, but I've taken the opportunity to watch a few shows which have intrigued me from afar for a while now. On Wednesday and Thursday, I watched 15 episodes of The Secret Life of the American Teenager. It successfully intrigued me. In the evenings, Mom, Dad and I settle in for dinner and some Dexter, a Showtime show about a forensics blood spatter expert who's a moonlighting serial killer. Sweet.